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Be the Actual

Inspiration for Your Journey

Is Pain Weakness Leaving the Body?

There’s a sadistic little saying in the Marine Corps: “Pain is weakness leaving the body.” I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, because my son Judge is in his fifth week of Officer Candidate School. But before I get to that, let me take you back a few years. When Judge was a freshman … Learn More

The Marine Corps, The Miserable Middle, and My Son

Dear Judge, Remember running the 400m?  Rounding that last corner and feeling like your chest is about to explode, and your legs are weighted down by cinder blocks?  You’ve lost the adrenaline you had at the starting line as you were sizing up the other runners – who’s got it in them, who you’re going … Learn More

Are We Good Americans … Worthy of Their Sacrifices?

I’ve been sitting with an uncomfortable question today: Am I worthy of the sacrifices our service members are willing to make for our safety, security, and freedom? More simply — am I a good American? Today is Memorial Day. Not “Happy Memorial Day” — there’s nothing happy about it. It’s somber, sacred, and reflective. It’s … Learn More

Is it burnout … or an existential crisis?

My 4:00 a.m. alarm wasn’t subtle.  When it went off, every fiber in my being rejected the notion that I had to get out of bed.  My husband was out of town, and I had a grad school final to finish before my boys, then ten and five, woke up and asked for waffles. It … Learn More

Stop Waiting for Rock Bottom to Become Who You’re Meant to Be.

When I was going through one of the most disruptive seasons of my life, I somehow knew it was going to take two years to find my footing again. And in that knowing, I faced a choice. I could come out the other side bitter, hateful, and resentful. Or I could come out more grateful, … Learn More

How to Be Heard

I have a 15-year-old son, which basically qualifies me to teach a master class on what it feels like to be ignored. The other day, on the way to school, I was mid-”mom”alogue – covering the holy trinity of mom concerns: grades, laundry, and the ever-popular “what are you going to do with your life?” … Learn More

“We Need to Talk … And Other Ways Managers Kill Motivation.”

Three words. That’s all it took to ruin my friend’s weekend. Her manager sent a note Friday afternoon: “Can we meet Tuesday?” No context. No subject line. No clue what it was about. She spiraled the entire weekend.. What did I do? Is this about the client meeting? Am I getting let go? I kept … Learn More

Make the Donuts: The Leadership Skill Nobody Talks About

I recently read Strangers by Belle Burden, her memoir about the abrupt end of a 20-year marriage. It hit painfully close to home. Throughout the book, I felt genuine empathy for Belle, followed by a surprising and uncomfortable emotion: jealousy. Belle is a Vanderbilt heir. When her world fell apart, her grief experience looked very … Learn More

Don’t Get Mad. Get Promoted.

Disclaimer: I love men. I value men in the workplace. I also love women. I know when men and women work alongside each other, great results happen. Yet, I can’t help but read the tea leaves and realize there’s a war being waged against women and it’s not subtle.  Look at what’s happened just recently: If you’re paying … Learn More

The Most Underinvested Asset Is You.

I’ve heard every version of it: “My company won’t pay for it.” “It’s not in the budget.” “I’ll wait until my employer sponsors it.” And every time I hear it, I think the same thing – you’re waiting for someone else to bet on you. Why aren’t you? Let’s get something straight: you own your development. Not … Learn More