The phone call that changes everything usually comes on a Tuesday. 

The shock hits harder when you’re staring at retirement accounts you hoped never to touch and wondering if decades of expertise suddenly mean nothing. You know everyone says, “it’s all about networking” and “most jobs aren’t posted on LinkedIn,” but here’s the uncomfortable truth: you’re not ready to network yet.

I’ve been on the receiving end of those awkward calls—someone reaching out after years of silence, nervous, asking if I “know of anything” without being able to articulate what they actually want. These conversations are painful for everyone involved and rarely lead to opportunities.

I’ve spent 30+ years building my network, and people reach out because they know I’ve cultivated meaningful professional relationships. I’m always honored when people reach out to me – I love to help.  Here’s the thing, though: I don’t make introductions on a whim. When someone asks me to connect them with someone in my network, I’m putting my reputation on the line. I want to add shared value when I make an introduction—you’ve got to do your part first.

You have tremendous value. The problem is that you’ve kept your head down, done excellent work, and built your reputation within the walls of one company. Now you need to translate that value for the outside world, and that starts with preparation.  The right preparation allows you to help the people who want to help you.

You’re Experiencing Grief—And That’s Normal

Job loss at any stage is traumatic, but losing a position later in your career brings unique challenges. You’re not just losing income; you’re losing identity, routine, and the security you thought you’d built. The job market feels foreign, and younger hiring managers may question whether your skills are current.

This grief is real and valid. Get real with your grief … first.  Networking from a place of desperation and confusion doesn’t work. People want to help confident, clear professionals—not projects that need fixing.  There’s no shame in therapy – it’s worked wonders for my mental state.

Before You Reach Out: Get Network-Ready

Okay, now let’s get practical.

Your network exists to create connections and share opportunities, not to serve as your career counselor or therapist. Before you start making calls, do this essential groundwork:

Update Your LinkedIn Profile Completely: This isn’t optional. Your profile is your first impression, and that outdated photo from five years ago isn’t doing you any favors. You need a professional headshot that shows confidence and approachability. Consider AI-powered tools like Aragon AI, which can create professional headshots affordably. Use this link for a discount and click below to download my FREE LinkedIn guide.

Craft Your Story: Write a clear, compelling narrative about your career transition. Then, practice explaining – out loud – what you’ve accomplished, what you’re looking for next, and how your experience translates to new opportunities. Position yourself as an energetic, career-ready leader ready for the next challenge—not someone who wants to reply their “this is why I was laid off” story.  You don’t want to be in that conversation – it doesn’t help you get your next job.  (Remember: that’s what therapy is for!)

Define What You Want: Get specific about target roles, companies, and industries. Research market salaries and understand which skills transfer. Vague requests like “let me know if you hear of anything” waste everyone’s time.  

Be Specific With Your Ask: Give people direction, not a chore —don’t ask me to look at your resume or help you explore who in my network might be useful. You can see who’s in my network on my LinkedIn profile. Be specific about who you’d like me to share your resume with and what companies you want introductions to. That’s easy for me to do if you’re ready.

Be Realistic About Timeline: I always tell people it’s at least six months to find the right opportunity, and with this job market, it might take longer. Treat your career transition like a job—give it eight hours a day. Get up, workout, get dressed like any professional would, get your mindset straight, and engage in the behaviors you believe will lead to your next opportunity.  

I recently helped a friend, a senior leader, go through this transition. He used his layoff as a way to develop himself – in addition to approaching the job search like a job, he took the time to grow his confidence in AI skills, read books that he’d wanted to read, and volunteer. It kept his mind focused on growth. It’s easy during this period to drift back into anger and frustration – those aren’t helpful emotions. Don’t deny them – process them. But don’t let those negative emotions chip away at the confidence you need to use this time to level up in all areas of your life.

Help Your Network Help You

When you do reach out, here are some pointers: 

• Be energetic and curious.  Ask about the other person’s role, what’s exciting them, and their  industry insights.  Don’t lead the conversation with your immediate needs. Ask thoughtful questions about market trends or company changes. Show genuine interest in their career journey. Only after you’ve demonstrated value and interest as a conversation partner, mention your transition and ask for specific help.
• Show reciprocity – don’t be a taker. The best networkers give as much as they receive and always ask “How can I help you, too?” Show anyone that you understand this principle, and they’ll be much more inclined to open doors for you. You have value, too – offer it.
• Follow up with a thank you note.  That’s a classy touch.  Few people do it and those who do standout.

Remember: you’ve built valuable expertise over decades. The goal isn’t to convince people you’re worth taking a chance on—it’s to clearly communicate the value you bring and make it easy for others to connect you with opportunities. Take the time to get network-ready first, and those conversations will transform from awkward asks into genuine professional exchanges that benefit everyone involved.