I grew up in Kalkaska, Michigan, the self-proclaimed Trout Capital of the state, population small enough that everyone knew your business better than you did. And like a lot of young girls in a lot of small towns, I had big dreams:

• The first was to be crowned Trout Queen.
• The second was to visit California, so I could see for myself what kind of life the twins from Sweet Valley High were living, a world that felt impossibly far from Kalkaska, all sunshine and possibility.

I remember telling my parents, with total confidence, that after I met those goals I’d go to college, get married, and raise a family. I could practically see it, me in a holiday cardigan, freshly permed hair, pulling a casserole out of the oven. That was the picture. That was “her.”

What Actually Happened

I never became Trout Queen. I didn’t make it to California until my senior year of college, a decade later than nine-year-old me had planned. But I did go to college, and something happened there I hadn’t planned for: I learned, quickly and permanently, that there were many ways to be. Not one script. Not one cardigan-and-casserole ending. Many.

That was the real beginning of my becoming journey, not the moment I checked a childhood dream off a list, but the moment I opened up the aperture of my life and saw all the possibilities of where life could take me … and where I could take myself. 

We’re All Becoming Something

Here’s the thing I’ve come to believe, two decades into leadership development: none of us get to opt out of becoming. It happens whether we’re paying attention or not. The only real question is whether we’re becoming something we actually want.

And if you want to know what you’re becoming, don’t look at your goals or your résumé first. Look at your thoughts. Are they healthy, or are they running an old script you never chose? Then look at your habits. Are they quietly building the person you say you want to be, or quietly building someone else?

We are the sum of our choices.  If we’re not happy with anything in our life, we only need to look inward to account for our situation … and we only need to look inward to create the intention to start changing our course.

Becoming isn’t a single leap, like a crown or a plane ticket to California. It’s the compounding effect of a thousand small choices about what you think and what you do, repeated until they turn into who you are.

Reframing “Be Her”

When I first heard Ella Langley’s song “Be Her,” I noticed most people hear it as a song about jealousy, about wanting to be someone else. I don’t think that’s it, or at least it’s not all of it. I think it’s a song about the aspirational self: the her you can see just ahead of you, the version of yourself you already sense is possible if you’d let her show up. (Or him, of course, if you’re reading this and you’re not a “her.”)

We can all be her. But she doesn’t arrive by accident. She starts with intention. Empowerment. The discipline of actually envisioning who you’re becoming instead of drifting into it. And choice, the daily, unglamorous choice to act like her before you fully feel like her.

That’s the conversation I want to have. That’s the workshop I want to lead. And it’s exactly why I’m so glad Time to Lead: Becoming HER exists. 

A Day Built for This Exact Conversation

This year’s Houston Time to Lead agenda on Sept 24th is basically a working blueprint for becoming: a full day of clarity, courage, and community, built specifically for women leaders ready to stop performing someone else’s plan and start building their own.

A few highlights:

• Own the Journey. Sandye Taylor – SVP at BMI Records – opens the day with the mindset shift at the center of all of this: there’s no perfect career, only the one you have the courage to design.
• Create Your Career Kaleidoscope. This is my session, and it’s personal. Success isn’t one-dimensional; it shifts and turns like a kaleidoscope between happiness, achievement, significance, and legacy. We’ll build your own, and get honest about where you’re thriving, where you’re depleted, and what a lastingly yours version of success actually looks like.
• Worth It: Redefining Success on Your Own Terms. A leadership panel getting brutally honest about what they traded, what they wouldn’t trade again, and what they’ve learned about building a life that’s meaningful, not just successful.
• Letting Go of Limiting Beliefs. Massiel Diez leads a workshop on the convictions that have propelled you forward and the assumptions that have quietly kept you playing small, with a concrete plan to challenge the stories that no longer serve you.
• Envisioning Better. Katelyn Good  – four time world champion figure skating competitor – closes the day by challenging you to actually see the life and career you’re building, because your vision becomes the catalyst for the change that follows.

Every session on that agenda is, in some form, challenges you to redefine your life to ensure it’s more aligned to that amazing vision you know that’s deeply within you.

Come Become Her

This is a women’s-only room, on purpose. There’s something about that specific kind of community and candor that this work needs. (And for what it’s worth: if there’s appetite for a men’s-only version of this conversation, say the word. I’ll happily lead that one too.)

If you’re somewhere between the girl who wanted to be Trout Queen and the woman you’re still becoming, come spend the day with us at Time to Lead in Houston and leave with an inspired vision of what your future could hold.  

Register for the event by clicking here.