I have a 15-year-old son, which basically qualifies me to teach a master class on what it feels like to be ignored.

The other day, on the way to school, I was mid-”mom”alogue – covering the holy trinity of mom concerns: grades, laundry, and the ever-popular “what are you going to do with your life?” — when my son looked at me, smiled, and said something that I know he thought was pretty clever: “Mom, don’t you teach a class on how to read a room?  How would you read this room?  Is this a room where the listener wants to talk about what you want to talk about?”

I mean. He’s not wrong.

And yes, I absolutely picked up on his “I’m actively ignoring you” energy. I just didn’t care. Mom’s prerogative.

But here’s the thing, I know I’m not alone. Whether it’s a teenager in the backseat, a colleague who keeps checking their phone, or a room full of people you’re trying to move to action, most of us have felt the frustration of putting a lot down, communication-wise, and watching others not pick it up.

So what do we do about it?

I’ve learned to separate what I can control from what I can’t …  and it changes everything.

What I can control: the message I craft, the method I choose to deliver it, and the timing of when I speak.

What I can’t control: your receptivity, your engagement, your attention. Those belong to you.

Once you accept that distinction, you stop wasting energy trying to force someone into listening — and you start investing it in becoming someone worth listening to. 

Here’s how:

Choose your moment. Timing isn’t everything, but it’s close. Bringing up a hard conversation when someone is stressed, distracted, or — I don’t know — in a moving vehicle on the way to school? Not your best move. Find a moment when your audience is actually available to receive what you’re giving.

Use soundbites. If you want to capture someone’s attention, give them something to hold onto. A crisp, memorable phrase does more work than a paragraph of well-intentioned explanation. Think about the one thing you want them to walk away with — and say that, clearly, early.

Try vocal variety — especially the pause. Most people rush when they’re nervous or passionate. The counterintuitive move? Slow down. Let silence do work. A well-placed pause creates anticipation; it signals that what comes next matters. People lean in.

Come prepared with a point of view. One of the fastest ways to lose an audience is to wander. When you’ve thought through your perspective ahead of time, you can enter conversations with clarity and confidence — and that confidence itself compels people to listen.

None of this is about performing or manipulating. It’s about showing up as a communicator who respects both the message and the person receiving it.

Do these practices work all the time?  Don’t I wish!  (15 year old son, remember?)  They at least get you in the position where you’re heard more than you’re not.