I coach high-performing leaders to reach new heights. 

There are times when I’m partnered with leaders who, well, are considered organization a-holes. You know what I mean, right? They’re pure genius, super well educated, but they’re in a funk. They cause a lot of frustration in their working environments, and their organizations can’t tolerate it … but they want to retain the talent. So, they call me in.

I want to offer a new perspective on why we have such brilliant jerks in the workforce. It’s not because they were born jerks. Quite the contrary. Life happens to people and we often don’t know what’s going on in their lives, so it’s easier to label someone an a-hole for their less than best behavior than it is to work with them and understand why.

A few years ago, I was partnered with “Jeff,” the organization a-hole. He was a senior leader responsible for a department of 400+. He worked in operations and his attitude was wreaking havoc at the leadership team level, and it was rapidly polluting his department. He was about to be let go. I was called in to support. 

Jeff was apprehensive about coaching. It took a few sessions to establish trust. During a call, he confided a deeply personal situation* that was taking his energy at home – it was a serious healthcare issue with his daughter that was causing strain on his personal life. I felt for him, as he tried to manage the emotional climate with his family, while being the sole provider for them at work. He was really trying to do his best at work, but the office was where he let loose his stress. He knew this wasn’t fair, yet he felt he was doing the best he could.  

I’m not a counselor. As an executive coach, I help people get from where they are to where they want to be. We formed a strategy, to include managing emotions at work, demonstrating executive presence, and getting him to be intentional with key leadership moments.  Fortunately for Jeff, it worked … because he did the work.

Do you work with jerks, a-holes, and other types of people that rub you the wrong way?  Before you label that individual, try empathy – try to understand the world from their point of view. 

In your efforts to provide empathy …

• Don’t drop your boundaries.  Keep them high and have a solid expectation for how you want to be treated.
• Don’t coddle or lower standards.  Everyone has to rise to the occasion to live up to expectations – no exceptions. The manner in which you do this, though, matters – you don’t have to be a jerk to people with less-than-best behavior.
• Don’t jump on the gossip bandwagon.  Gossip is one of the most trust-losing, corrosive behaviors in any organization. Just don’t do it.

But do …

• Seek to understand.  This is really important. Empathy isn’t agreeing with someone. It’s trying to understand their story, their point of view.
• Offer care and offer support.  If there’s some way you can help, do. Don’t make life harder on people who are going through tough times.
• Assume better intentions.  It’s easy to label someone or judge them. A better approach is to be curious and assume they mean well.

And, of course, sometimes you work in environments that despite your efforts, you can’t build a better relationship with someone. If a person is unwilling to change, just seek to minimize the impact they have on your mood and your attitude. And, hey, if you’re a manager – don’t forget to put them on a performance improvement plan and work to get them out of the organization. One bad actor can undermine the story you’re seeking to put together. While we all have periods of less-than-best, some people can’t get out of their funk. These people wreak havoc in an organization and are better left to find employment elsewhere so they don’t do greater damage to your team.

*Names, details have been changed to protect the confidentiality of the situation.