“Give your ego a name.”

My friend recommended this after I shared that there are times my ego gets in the way of my best intentions.

Their idea was that naming my ego would help me separate myself from the part of me that is selfish, self absorbed, and unaccountable. The part of me that screams “me, me, me!” That part of me that lives in my mind.  

So, when my ego is trying to prove to someone that I’m right, I can say to myself “Shut up, Bill.”  Or Vanessa, or Nicole, or Richard … Honestly, I don’t have any naming conventions to assist in this process. For this piece, we’ll call him Bill.

We all have an ego. It’s that thing in our minds that helps regulate our emotions and  thoughts, which influence our behaviors. It helps us self promote, say something impressive, and put us in positions where we can win. If you’ve ever spoken up in a meeting, offered an important point, and were rewarded for your contribution, you have your ego to thank for that. Having an ego isn’t a bad thing.

But there are times when it can be.  Like times when it gets in the way of your growth goals.

Our egos never want to look wrong, be wrong, or act wrong. Therefore, there are times when we need to be vulnerable, but our ego says “No way, you. Not now. Not ever.”  Or, when we want to measure our success and we look to others for an unhealthy comparison … and bad mouth them, either privately or publicly, in an effort to boost our self importance. Those are the “Oh my God, Bill, what the hell? Stop!” moments when we need to confront our ego so it serves our interests … not the other way around.  

Beyond naming our ego, here are some other ways we can keep our ego in check:

• Be intentional.

Going back to how I opened up this conversation, my ego and I engage in an awkward dance from time to time. But to ensure my aim is clear, I need to be intentional about my growth journey. This allows me to override my ego and say, “Hey, Bill – not this time.  I’m working on this approach. Let’s try another way.”

• Demonstrate appreciation and gratitude.  

This is especially important. Our egos get jealous when others are successful, especially areas where we want to achieve success, too. Counter these moments of jealousy with sincere appreciation for the other people and express gratitude. Honestly, a simple, “Hey, Bill.  Seriously. Their success doesn’t mean we’re a failure. Their success is awesome. Let’s give them a high five, then focus on our own growth.” Besides, no one has ever gone wrong from giving out too many sincere expressions of gratitude and appreciation.

• Show Your Ego Respect.

Don’t hate that part of you that wants the spotlight. Respect it because there’s a lesson in there somewhere. To show respect, be curious as to what your ego is trying to tell you … don’t be judgmental. That can lead to a slippery slope of self loathing. Respect all parts of you – they’re you. Just learn to manage them so they all can be aligned on your truest intentions for yourself.

Hey, if you decide to name your ego, let me know … I’d love to hear how you approach this task!  

PS  I want to thank all the Bill’s in this world for tolerating the fact that I’m hypothetically calling my ego “Bill.” For the record, I don’t know any Bill who has an oversized ego.