I spend a lot of my time observing people.  

I think it’s because I’m the second born in my family.

Long before I could speak, I’d watch my sister’s failed attempts at trying to get her way.  In my young mind, I’m sure I’d note  these as “failed experiments,” and when it was my turn I’d do something different.  Inevitably, this would result in my sister expressing, with frustration, that I always got my way.  What she couldn’t appreciate, and I couldn’t articulate then, is that it wasn’t me getting my way per se … it was me observing what didn’t work and trying something that did.

I still spend a lot of time observing people.  I want to be clear: observing, not judging.  What I focus on is people’s expressions.  

Do you do this, too?  In the grocery store, at the gas station, walking through the airport?

I read people’s faces and it should be no surprise that anger, sadness, and frustration – all the negative emotions – are the most pronounced and easiest to read.  They’re also the ones I see most frequently.  

It begs the question: Why are we so mad?

I mean, I get mad, too.  I’m not Pollyanna – I’m not perfect.  I feel and experience the spectrum of emotions, and every now and then I land on anger (and all the other emotions that dance around it).   

I want to talk about dealing with these difficult, negative emotions – ones we all feel and what we should do when they rise to the surface.  My first piece of advice is pretty simple: don’t ignore it.  Don’t ignore negative feelings, don’t ignore unhappy facts, and don’t deny yourself the chance to  “go there.”  Our emotions can be powerful teachers if we give ourselves the opportunity to explore them.  

My next piece of guidance is a reminder to “not live there.” I once heard that anger is a productive catalyst for change, but a terrible life companion.  What I like to do when I feel anger, or frustration, is transform it into productive anger.

What I mean is this: “Okay, Angie … you know how you feel.  Why do you feel this way and what can you do about it.”   Curiosity, followed by action,  allows me to release my frustration.  It lets me be an active participant in my life, not just a bystander.  It also allows me to get back to neutral.  

I also have a few other tips and tricks:

• I have playlists that allow me to work through my emotions – if I want to wallow in sadness, I know who to listen to – if I want to pick myself up, I go for the Go-Go’s.
• I grab my phone, open my Oura App, and do guided breathing for five minutes.  This allows me to not get hijacked by my emotions.
• I step outside and marvel at nature and remind myself how small and lucky I am to be where I am today.  An ounce of gratitude goes a long way.
• I run – fast.  I do like to whip my own a** into shape.  Exhausting myself, physically, is a powerful, emotional release for me.  

What I seek to avoid is infecting others with my negativity.  It’s irresponsible to let your bad mood, or your bad day, ruin other’s.  It truly is a personal responsibility to be self managed so that you give others the opportunity to follow through on their best intentions for themselves and their life experiences.  

And when I see people who carry around dark expressions: I look them in the eye and smile.  It’s a really small thing – but eye contact is a human connection, and a smile is a way of passing along hope.  

We can’t control the world around us.  We can only control ourselves.  When we start with managing our emotions, and seeking to influence those of others, we do our small part of changing the culture of our world.

Here’s to better days!